Back in the day, when I used to work for a big electronic music magazine, I used to write under various guises. One of which was a column where I curmudgeonly attacked, well, everything. Bad trends, bad photographers, bad magazines, bad fashion, bad hats. I especially loved going after sacred cows; people and things that everyone agreed they all loved, attacked for the simple pleasure of just stirring shit up. As you could imagine my fake persona garnered loads of hate mail.
But no article got quite under peoples skin then when I went after Iceandic untouchable Bjork. All I did was point out, in a very blow by blow fashion, how she was no different than Madonna. Long article short, she used the same photographers, producers, remixers, dated similar types of guys, was often making similar quotes and overall had very parallel career moves and history.
Little did I expect with my Inbox to fill so quickly with little love sonnets like this one below:
FUCK YOU [name of magazine] AND FUCK [my pseudonym]
WHOEVER HE IS (AND I KNOW THATS NOT HIS REAL NAME!).
BJORK IS REAL ARTIST NOT THAT SHITTY
ELECTRONICA MUSIC YOU COVER! SHE HAS MORE
CREATIVITY IN HER THUMBNAIL THAN YOU’LL EVER
HAVE IN YOUR LIFETIME!!!!
I HOPE YOU GO OUT OF BUSINESS,
P.S. SHE NEVER SAID “FUCK THE BUDDHISTS” SO YOU
PRINT LIES TOO.
Even more fun than receiving was responding to these kinds of letters in print:
Oh crumbs Kathy, no actually I think she did. Ray Gun Magazine September 1997, of which the cover star is everyone’s favorite fat faced little troll.
Regarding my [obviously fake pseudonym] not being my real name; no shit Shaft.
Oh and that bit about electronica sucking and what not, you need to pull the snowflakes out of your ears hon’, cause ain’t that the very foundation that Bjork karaokes over?
hugs and kisses,
Anyhoo, I was/am actually moot on Bjork. I just liked being the sand in everyone’s panties.
Personally I dig her output as KUKL all the way up to Post. After that she starts getting a tad too pretentious for me. Be that as it may, I’ve always been a big fan of The Sugarcubes, whome I’ve always likened to a Scandanavian equivalent of the B-52s.
So today we see the return of Japanese VG fave Tica with her rendition of Birthday.
Enjoy! (and don’t hate me)